::: It Rains Today :::

t rains today as my smile washes away
Walking in puddles of sadness, the clouds cry.
I look up & see an ugly grey covering today,
The frown of today makes the happiness of before seem like a lie.

I'm reaching point where the smile is aging,
Looking in the mirror my lips are boring.
Am I happy for no reason, sounds debating,
Losing control again this is en raging.

What went wrong that I feel my head slipping,
Who flipped the switch from good to bad?
Who made KM go from happy to sad?
The spark is dying my shirt I'll be ripping.

I study the past few months where everything was right,
Compare it to now but it barley sheds light.
I place my energy on the days of today,
I sit here in silence and try to understand the saddening way.

I come up with the issues I had all along and just a few new ones,
Wonder to myself if I was happy with reason.
Should I laugh at the fool I was or were those happy ones?
I was real happy ... My smile guilty of treason.

It rains today as my smile washes away
Walking in puddles of sadness, the clouds cry.
I look up & see an ugly grey covering today,
The frown of today makes the happiness of before seem like a lie.

I'm a father .... I think ...

I'm a father ... at least that is what I'm told. I wouldn't know because I never see my son. He lives in Michigan and I live in New York. I go there once a month though I don't call him much because he being 7 are conversations last for maybe a few minutes before silence. I feel I try but who knows I hear it's not enough, I pay more than required for child support and when I visit we are spending every second with each other. I design and write a news letter now once a month and I send it to Ozzy but I have no idea if he likes it or not.

I do not feel like his dad but more like a concerned uncle. I hate it and I can't explain it but what goes through my head makes me angry, depressed and lost. Of course everyone is going to tell me that's not true but non of them experienced what I'm going through or should. It's easy to say I'm his dad but saying and feeling are two different things all together.

Like I told my brother in law I'm not asking for a line violins ... maybe one ...lol but I'm so frustrated. I feel alone on this and day after day it only gets worse. I'm so lost but whatever ... I head out to Michigan for this weekend even though I was asked not to go ....shoot me now.