Lost in my head

I feel like if I go to the right I hurt and get hurt and if I go to the left I get the same results. If I do neither I will expire and cease to exist.

I reach down and see if I can find an ejection cord but hand comes up empty. Swear pours down face and I taste my own fear. Frustration is at a level I reach rarely.

The saga continues of this fucked up life I lead. Maybe one day I will figure it out or not. I just hope I so before its to late.

So confused

I'm feeling so lost and confused. Not sure what to do but i know everyday I sit here I'm getting into a deeper hole. Should I stay and invest more or leave and take the time invested as a loss. So frustrated I just want to get drunk and never wake up -_-

Friday turned crazy

What a day from 7am to 3pm. Work work and more work was pulling up and I was treading to stay afloat. Some how we did it and finished the day, the week and the late nights on the dock.

We drank in honor of our success and the stress we once knew was now asleep. Coronas and shots of rum entertained our tongues. Cigarettes we light as we pulled in the air of the weekend. This is our day, we got paid and the money was nice hahaha music was the sound of our blood.

Soon the day ended and off we all went to enjoy our two days of freedom and that's how our day ended.

All seemed so well but mine ended with a crash. Fuck me and my life.

It's tough

It's hard to make someone's sadness change. I try but it's hard.

I need advice as I'm lost in the negative when all she needs is positive.

::: "What if god was one of us" :::

So true what would he do?
Would he fight the fight or call out
Would he stay under the blanket or pop out.
Could he deal with the stress or run too.

Sitting in my world I try to understand
What I should and could do
Stand on the side or join the band
Walk the streets alone or with you.

Either way ill never know
I hope I make the right choice
God helps me from stepping on my toe
Better yet he gives me a voice

::: Pain :::

Pain in my heart
Pain pumps through my blood
How can I part
How can clean my blood

Cut my my throat
Let me bleed
Take it all away, remove my coat
Take some happiness and plant a seed

This is my pain
This is my life
Exit from this lain
Let happiness be my wife.

Music calms me
Drinking helps me
Change will save me
Love will make me

Lost in the fog.

Seems like I'm always coming here when I my life is upside down. Who knows if this is a form of therapy for me or not but it kinda helps.

Lately things seem to be worse and I'm not sure where to even turn. I feel I exhausted all my outlets and I'm running on fumes. No one to talk to or that I feel comfortable enough to talk 100% openly.

My dreams of being free from these problems are fading as well. My mind has allowed the nightmares to take over. Trying to sleep seems like a life for the more fortunate and I can only hope to get back to those nights.

I sign off with little hope but the tears of a child waiting and praying for his time to be free.

-_-