::: It Rains Today :::

t rains today as my smile washes away
Walking in puddles of sadness, the clouds cry.
I look up & see an ugly grey covering today,
The frown of today makes the happiness of before seem like a lie.

I'm reaching point where the smile is aging,
Looking in the mirror my lips are boring.
Am I happy for no reason, sounds debating,
Losing control again this is en raging.

What went wrong that I feel my head slipping,
Who flipped the switch from good to bad?
Who made KM go from happy to sad?
The spark is dying my shirt I'll be ripping.

I study the past few months where everything was right,
Compare it to now but it barley sheds light.
I place my energy on the days of today,
I sit here in silence and try to understand the saddening way.

I come up with the issues I had all along and just a few new ones,
Wonder to myself if I was happy with reason.
Should I laugh at the fool I was or were those happy ones?
I was real happy ... My smile guilty of treason.

It rains today as my smile washes away
Walking in puddles of sadness, the clouds cry.
I look up & see an ugly grey covering today,
The frown of today makes the happiness of before seem like a lie.

Life Changes

Funny how time changes everything. Things that were, aren't anymore, well at least different. That is just the ways of human nature and I include myself in that too. I am fortunate to have so many people in my life that I am exposed to so many ways they interact with others. Like a large science experiment I can watch and monitor how people do what they do and why. It just sucks when you are loving one way of life and one day u wake up and notice something is off. You let it go at first but it starts to eat at you as for the reason why. You come to find out that over time things have changed and of course things won't stay the same because that's just the way life is however you notice how far things have gone. Will it ever be the way it was ... I don't think so but can it go back to the way that will still be great.

In new relationships regardless if its with a boy friend or girlfriend, job, friendship or anything else you have the honeymoon period. Titled that because of how great it is and the feelings you get in return. Once that is over your left with a relationship that will stay strong only if energy and determination is paced into it. It takes both sides to keep the foundation strong and allow the the relationship to shine.

I find myself in a bad position in life because when I'm in a solid relationship with a person, job, etc I put allot into it and expect the same in return and in most cases I don't get the same return. I know I have failed others who invest more then I do so don't claim to always be the best at giving the return. So why do I continue to do what I do ... Well what I generally do after a while I with draw back into my cave where I don't feel like I'm vulnerable to get hurt. Its a defense I use and it's not always the best thing to do but it's where I feel safe.

Life is interesting :)

I'm Happy

It's been a while since I've been here and I miss this place as cheesy as that may sound. So to give an update to myself and any others that care to read, here it is.

I have been working allot and keeping real busy these days which is both good and a little not good. My roommate and myself are really clicking in a way we never did before. I'm happy, that's right I'm happy. My best friend and I closer and I really can't see not having her in my life. My son is in a good place with his mom and I get along great with her. Can be a bit weird at times but we still get along.

I'm meeting more people, doing more and appreciating life. I hope to have more of these posts in the future ahead of me. :)

- KM