A-Boooooo

Talking with my mom just reminded me of how much of a mess my life is according to her and not far from the mess I believe I'm in. We were talking about relationships and the bullshit involved which in return of course brought up to my head of the hard time I am having. Every girl I have liked in the past few years has been a waste of my time. They never like me the way I like them and at most they wish to remain "friends" with me. It is the life I lead and it just leaves me with a sadness inside me but whatever.

I hate how I feel but I have no choice but to just move on and deal with it a-booooo.

30 was yesterday

In a few days I will be 31 years old and I can't help but look back at the past year. Interesting it was, with many ups and downs. As bad as the downs were the ups were way amazing making me want to go on and look for the next day and forgetting the bad ones.

This past Saturday night I through my party and had an amazing time. My best friend was there which was awesome especially because I couldn't but worry that she wouldn't be able to get in. So many of my friends came and it meant allot to me to see the support I have in my life. The party went off with a bang and didn't stop until the lights when on. It was another party I had that I will always remember.

Of course I'm not here just to blab about my silly party but because that night as I closed my eyes my head began to spin. Lucky for me I fell asleep before it got crazy however when I woke up I was feeling weird. As I lay in my bed I was thinking and diagnosing what the issue was. I mean how can there be an issue when I just partied so much and had a great night. After a bit more poking around I realized what it was and with my luck it was something that used to haunt me.

I was lonely ....

Despite how good I felt with having all these great people around me they still weren't part of me. What I mean is simply, I am all alone as I close my eyes and when I wake up. There are people in my ife that fill that void to an extent but not enough to keep the loneliness away.

As I discovered that this was the root of my reality it became depressingly clear that I was still single. I mean not that it was some type of shattering news but the feeling of being all alone I guess is magnetized on important times in your life like your birthday. Sleep alone, wake up alone and acknowledge that your alone. So break out the violin if you like ...LOL but it was really casting a shadow over me and it just made me feel really down. I know its life but it can just sting more on some days more so than others.

Happy Birthday To Me ....Boooooo