Saturday, June 27, 2009

::: Where is She :::


Waiting I say
waiting for her to appear
waiting for the day
wondering if she is near.

Am I ready for her
take care of her
to be together
for a day ... forever?

I want to see her
would love to touch her
the feeling of alone
I don't want in my home.

Let me jump into the future
I want to be sure
Do I have her by my side
or is my hope one big lie?

Smile with her
cry with her
lie with her
die with her

So where is she, this fantasy of mine
my heart pumps as I wait in line
I tell my patience it's a matter of time
just a while longer before she is mine

I'm ready for my angel
I sense her presence
The sun shines strong
Don't let my faith be wrong





Appreciation


It's amazing how the lives of some can touch us in many ways. It seems however we don't take notice or realize it until their gone. This all boils down to us not appreciating what we have until we don't have it anymore. People get comfortable with their surroundings and almost like forget how important it was at the time. Like a new car, you love it, baby, hand wash it every weekend, no food in the car, etc. Two years later most of those habits will be long gone and even looking for a new car car to love. If you had to give up your car one day and it was gone you would start to realize how lucky you were and not care about getting a new car just having the one you had.

This week three peoples lives passed that I never meet in person but they all touched me in an entertaining way. Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett and Tippy Tom. MJ was a super star that his music was heard everywhere and played at so many parties, clubs, iPods and what not. Though he feel apart in his later years and was a mess he will always be rembered. FF was a beauty who stared in the first season of Charlies Angels and was forever on after as an icon in the celbrety world. I complete this with TT who was an alcoholic homeless gay man who had HIV+ who once was a succesful businessman, married with a kid. His life feel apart and he lived on the streets and found himself on the Opie and Anthony show for the past 10 years give or take a few years.

Once these people passed people came out of the shadows with support and how much they will now miss them. I think it's amazing how many people care and said their words of praise and how they were touched by their life on earth. I wish their families the best and they should take pride in what great people they were.

The reality is their passings won't change my life in anyway but it does remind me as I hope it does to others the importance of appreciating one another. If its your parents, siblings, lover, kids, friends or whatever just know what you have. Take a minute to think what rolls these people play in your life and what it would be with out them. Life is too short and it can end in the blink of an eye so don't let silly drama or other stupidity get in your way of those you love and care about.

~ Peace ~

Wednesday, June 24, 2009

Out of Focus


It seems every time I think I figured it out a new obstacle falls right in my path and screws everything up. Not only does it make me have to rethink things it puts new perspectives on everything I thought was okay. Like looking through your lens and the subject and the background just fall out of focus. you can't make out what is the background and what is the subject.

I hear many things about them all, both positive and negative. I care about them but I have to make choices that will anger some while make others happy. Either way I go I will be pissing someone off and look like a hypocrite. Now if I could be 100% sure about my choices I wouldn't care but I'm not however the sand is almost out of the glass and if I don't make the choice soon I might not have the choice again.

This all about Ozzy and that what makes it all that more serious. His mom is no angel yet I do know she wants whats best for him. Her mom wants whats best for him and they both think the other is wrong and I can't help but think I created part of the mess by supporting the mom the whole time but now I feel I lost complete control of the situation. Now the mom is in charge and again I'm left with nothing but the drama of this entire ordeal. "I want him", "I know whats best for him" blah blah blah blah. I'm so worn out from it all and the one that losses the most is Ozzy. He hears his moms name being dragged through the mud and I don't care what she did that's not right. His mom does some dumb shit as well, not that I witnessed it but I hear about it.

Who's side do I choose because they both don't want the other to have him yet I want him as well. So from being tug of war between two will no be between three. Just great.

Note to Self: Buckle up, it's going to be a long summer.

Thursday, June 11, 2009

::: Corona & The Lime :::


A lime stands on it's own
not as well as a Corona.
Place the Lime inside
Corona shines pride.

Cold as ice, how I like
la cerveza mas fina
only with that lime
cheers to good times.

Last drop poured
golden liquid wont flow
alcohol entertaining your soul
hand on another, ice cold.

Coronas leave you feeling great
limes born with this fate
this is your soul mate
no reason to hate, celebrate.

Toss out the old
pop the new one
slice the lime, make it cold
lean back here comes fun.

Six bottles in
limes half gone
blood has a tingle
Coronas ... love you tons.

Coronas take the crown
limes just left to drown
washed up on the bottom
empty bottles we forgot'em

Coronas leave you feeling great
limes born with this fate
this is your soul mate
no reason to hate, celebrate.

Tuesday, June 9, 2009

Yesterday was the past ...


Yesterday I was a mess. My brain was on overdrive and thoughts and emotions were running ramped. I wrote to poems to help me calm down but in the end it was sleep that helped me the most. I even tried to get drunk, well with beer it is very hard. I had 7 in a row and I was just a little buzzed. It did make me tired enough to knock me out for 2 hours on my couch. i should have bought some grey goose, oh well there is always next time right ;)

Today I wake up around 7AM but force myself to go back to sleep and then I wake up and it's 9AM and I push for one more nap and then 10:30 rolls around. I wake up with thoughts in my head just slowing down to reasonable pace. My dreams some what still leaving shadows in my heads but I'm sure they will be mostly gone in a few.

Today should be better despite the clouds that are covering NYC. I will get some errands done today and continue to focus on the positives in life. I do find it funny that I can lock all my emotions up and to everyone else I can sound as happy or as "KM" can be but I can't fool myself. There are people that lie all the time that they eventually believe there own lies why can't I believe my own smile?

I guess only a fool would.

So hello to this fine Tuesday, I'm going to make the best of it. See you all later.

Monday, June 8, 2009

::: Good Night All :::


Pull my hair out
Bit my lip
take a knife and stab me
Whatever you do reset me

Take my mind,
take my soul
Grab that pole
Dig that 6 foot hole.

Buried should be me
remove the nice
take the good
Let my heart turn to ice.

Let me wake as new
like I should be
The typical guy
Let me get these new shoes

Good night all
hope to see you on the other side
no heart, no nice, no pride
just a body that stands tall.

Reset my soul
I already paid the toll
terminate me
I hate me.

Nice guys finish last
True to its word
Time goes by fast
when will I be last

The sun has set
no cash left
I ask you to step aside
let me kill my pride

Let me restart
insecurities gone
Life ok and no heart
typical guy to play my part

Alcohol in my fingers
I write this letter
Brain is sharp
this wont make it better

Good night all
hope to see you on the other side
no heart, no nice, no pride
just a body that stands tall.






::: Floating :::


Looking for something ....
Not sure why but my mind is all over
I feel it's not in my head.
over my body in an awkward hover

I'm sitting here alone
the walls stare at me
clouds float in the distance
together, no resistance

my digital portal sits on my lap
waiting for me to let it rest
my mind is all over ...I'm a mess
this is a fact I can't contest.

Looking around the cave
I search for a way out
Drawings on the wall
my existence is at a stall

I'm tired of trying
tired of fighting
keeping that smile
am I a liar?

As I prepare for another day
Wondering what will be
What's behind the June door
a girl? job? my son? something more?

Got to hope
lips still smiling
for giving up
more painful then trying.