Blah -_-

What’s happening to me? Why is it everything I touch turns to dust?

The financial crisis I’m in, the NYPD dream is pretty much dead. My design career is expired and I work in a warehouse making Mickey Mouse money x_X

My dating life is twisted to say the least. I have no idea what the fuck I’m doing or getting myself into. I’m riding it through because I like her so much. I’m hooked on her because she makes me so happy and all the depressing shit in my life seems like nothing but an itch. She just makes me feel ok and the happiest person in the world.

So what now … who knows I just hope it all gets better.

::: My Heart Cries a Dark Red :::

Still alive yet I feel dead
My heart cries a dark red
Can’t wipe those tears away
I hold my heart and pray.


Muscles tense, blood filed with hurt
Nothing to hold, hands filled with dirt
Eyes scanning for hope as they flood with tears
History shows pain after all these years.


I try to control the war in my head
wanting to run, feet feel like lead
Thoughts running wild,
wishing I can be free, …be a child.


Hating myself for feeling this way
These were my choices, I now pay
Trying to dissect these emotions
Why surprised this is no revelation.


Cut me, I want to feel alive
looking for life’s keys, let me drive
bleed from my skin and not my heart
Life, pain and love, help me set them apart.


Tomorrow, we all say is another day
Done with feeling sad and being gray
I need a fresh start, passed this shit pile
Fight it will be to move forward with a smile.


Still alive yet I feel dead
My heart cries a dark red
Can’t wipe those tears away
I hold my heart and pray.

Burning Ass ...LOL

It's funny how life leads you down a winding road with few warning. We try to prepare for it but it doesnt seem to always work out so were told to make the best of it. Easier said then done. My boss quotes his dad "just because his ass is burning, doesnt make my burning ass feel better". Such a true statement.