::: Missing Her :::

I miss her and it seems like it will be forever before I ever see again
I will wait because even if there is a slim chance it is worth the wait.
She is one of a kinda and miss the hell out of her and Skype doesn't fill this void

Their is this empty space inside me with out her
she would make me laugh, smile, cry and straight out act a fool
but now I have to accept the fact she is away far from me

I can only get small douses online but ugh
I need my friends close to me
closer then a keyboard and a face on the screen

How much longer must I wait
I'm not one who can be alone
I need those special people around me

Any who it is what it is
I can't change reality but only dream
Life will be take its course & I hope it includes me

~ Missing you Megan ~

::: Dear KM :::

Dear KM

Wake the fuck up!

How many simple mistakes you make when anyone else in their right mind would have been gone a long time ago. However KM is KM and everyone knows it and KM generally makes people more time happy than not. Am I saying KM is this great guy? I’m just saying I’m bored … no make it sick of the KM I know. The KM I know hurts and feels pain, is to nice, lets himself be used and what’s left but the tear in his your eye. People may call you things throughout life but the one thing I can’t let them do is destroy you. I just want you to come and hold my hand as I guide you away from this all. Start a new life one that doesn’t burden you with all these issues. I write you a poem because I care and because that is just how I do. Don’t just read but believe it KM.

.........................................................................


What are you doing with yourself?
Why do you think the way you do?
Why do you love the ones you love?

It’s a joke because I’m living in a world that isn’t real
I feel things I shouldn’t feel
I do things I shouldn’t do
I care about shit I shouldn’t care about

Yet I continue to be the KM that everyone loves
I can’t stand the fool you have become
I can’t stand how blind you are
I hate the way you just deals with the bullshit

I write you this letter because I care
I want you to see what I see
See the truth that is out there
Not the clouds of the picture you weave

Your looking pathetic and I beg you to stop
Safe yourself from heard ache and future pain
Just wake the fuck up and put you on top
At the end of the day it’s you verse the rain

You know what you have to do
Do your best and take those steps
Readjust your sites and focus on you
Life will only get easier when you focus on you

Look around and you will see what I am talking about
You will see how life can be stress free if you listen to me
I tell you this only because I love you, that I don’t doubt
However this is not for debate you must focus on “me” and not “we”

I really hope you can do this
It is not something that you can try but a must
You must leave this KM in the dust
Let the old KM go and just lay and rust

I will be here to point you in the right direction
It will be your job to keep you on the road
I will show you what places to avoid the addiction
It will be your job to at the end of the day to deliver what I have sold.


So good bye and I wish you the best
I hope you got some rest for the future will be rough
Lock and load for tonight is not a test
This is your life and like it or not it will be tough

Love you,
- KM

Stronger Than Life Itself

So I sit here in a world where what looks white is really black

Look at it again and it’s green or is it blue?

So what do I do if I can’t trust my own eyes

Do I just assume or do investigate more until I’m sure?

The more people I meet the more problems I get

Yet I do not regret it for one second.

The people in my life mean so much to me

They are my people, my family, my blood

I may not be the best man in the world

I may not be able to offer all that others can

I may rub some the wrong way

I have proven to be an ass at times as well

What I offer is simply a friendship

An ear to talk to and a shoulder to lean on

Someone to laugh or cry with

But above all my heart and soul.

The hard part is when the friends of mine

Are not friends of with the other

The tide makes a change and the ecosystem hurts

I get pulled from side to side yet I feel like I’m drowning.

So what do I do, where do I go

Yet the few I hold close to my heart

Are the only ones I care to keep

The rest I’m ready to let them wash away

I always swear off drama yet its right by my side

Seems to be my middle name but that will stop

I will beat this and get back to the way it was

Erase the drama embrace the true happiness in my life

He said, she said …. Now hate her

You only make us stronger

Do this, do that or you will never get married

Now I have no interest

Why is it that the little 4^th grade BS is an issue

Why can’t people get it together

Why can’t they just ignore her

Why do they insist to hate

I fuel off of the hate and the BS they serve

It feeds me and makes me stronger

The more they throw the more I know

The more I know of what I do is right

Those that I love know who they are

I ask you to hold tight and be patient

This bullshit will pass, the drama will fade

What we have is stronger than life itself.

Give me your hand and fuck the world.

View From Above

My mind is so over the place sometimes I feel as if I want to disappear into the background. I can't but I can dream right. If I can head back into the world with a mask on and be somebody else for a bit it would be interesting to say the least.

To recap some randomness from the other day.

Yesterday was a day that started off as a blah. I was still frustrated from the days before and was having a hard time moving forward. I was doing better than the previous days but in any event as annoyed as I was she knew how to switch it. I don't know how or what she does but she can make me from miserable to loving life. So to you I say thank you :)

The rest of the day was like the past few weeks with non stop running around trying to help them reach the stepping stone to their futures. I left them as they got a little bit closer and like any perfect storm they crossed paths and like fire and water they kept a distance.

Why the drama in our lives? Who knows I just hope we can tackle each issue and help resolve these issues sooner than later. We will talk and we do whatever we can that is in our power to fix and I hope we will.

The night ended with a new world of confusion or drama and I see myself falling into it or perhaps I can slide by and just watch from a distance. Waking up in world I wasn't used too to feel confused yet attracted to this new world of wrong.

::: Life is a Blur :::

Still can't sleep,
mind wont stop
will stay awake
drowning in the lake

Need to get a grip
life will have to sit
take away the ugly pit
the joint of happiness, give me a hit.

The birds sing out
ready for their day
boring no doubt
but happy you can say.

Trying to get it together
showering the pain away
the start of a new day
"Good Morning" I say

Come on KM I know you can
put away the digital pen
rest your head
eye lids full of lead.

Fire in my cave
damage being done
don't know if I can save
she gets hurt by the wave.

He lives far away
to see him takes a day
take him, she said no way
breaks my heart everyday.

They drive by red and white
covered in blue I don't see me
she tells me see the light
not worth the fight

Alone in this alley
no hand by my side
I walk forward, wont hide
Life's coaster is no ordinary ride.

The night has expired
tomorrow is now
I'm so tired
curtain closing, I bow.

Who Knows Anymore

So it's almost 5 and so much on my mind.
I can't seem to make sense of many things around me.
The good things to the bad things in my life.
Trying to understand the people in my life, why they do what they do.
I want to I just can't seem to place the puzzle pieces together.

I started writing earlier these thoughts but only got so far.
I was so drained both mentally and physically I even passed out for a bit.
I woke up to people coming home and when I went back to my writing I decided to stop.
I stopped because the feelings going through me changed and weren't as strong ...or were they.
In any event my mind runs wild with a lack of explanations but I just except it.

Why is my future so troubled with storms in the distance,
why is the present so full of confusion and uncertainty.
Why does my past leave a path filled with mistakes and few positives.

I hate this! I'm told I'm a door mat, too nice and that I will be taken advantage of. Will I? The past totally shows that yet I continue to be me as much as being me sucks. I give forth such hope into the people around me and only look for their positives ... I find their negatives eventually and at that point it's to late, I'm in too deep. Why do I waste my time if in the end I will probably be disappointed in the end. My gut tells me one thing while my heart another.

I want to go away .... far away from my life. To much pain and not enough happiness and love.
Call me what you will but the direction I'm going these days ....
looks like luck would need to be by my side 95% of the time.
Who are my true friends, the real friends that will stand by me the way I would for them.
So many say they will do this and that yet in the end only a few stand tall.
I question why I love my friends because the more I do the more attached I get and the more I care. The more I care the more I get frustrated .... I don't know any more OMG this is all to much.

It's 5:23 now and she cries in the other room. I hate this, I don't want her to hurt, feel pain or the shit that gets thrown around from day to day. I sleep alone tonight because she will go and comfort her as I hope she can and help with the bullshit.

So now I sit on my bed in a empty room as the music plays in the background ....bad very bad. I hate being alone. my mind running wild.

The sun is rising to another day ... what will be today how will my feelings invisibly show today. Will I smile or cry invisible tears? Will I feel good or will the anger and frustration pump through my veins? Who knows

Open The Bottle

My mind was running wild, emotions all over the place and I couldn't seem to get a grip on it. Every time I felt I might have figured something out I realized I was more confussed then before. I was having a hard time sleeping, concentrating or getting thet basic ABC's of the week done. I then felt myself sliping back to my old ways and just botteling it all up and I figured it would simply slip away. Yes it is the wrong thing but I knew it was the only way.

The weekend approached and the stress was extreme and I knew this was my chance to put it all into that little bottle that has a capacity larger than I could ever imagine. Plans were set, friends in order and the receipie of a storm was perfect.

The weekend .....

It's Sunday evening as I write this and like magic it's almost all gone. Amazing what I can do and as unhealthy as it maybe I did what I had to and now I am actually happy.

Is it a fake happiness? No. Was the happiness reached through a bad habbit? Yes.

Through it all I did make light of some of the crazyness in my head and that that I couldn't, like a black hole I put it all away. So I conclude with this whole experiance that I can't fix all my issues, problems, concerns and everything else. It's ok to except things for what they are and if need be put it in a place where it can't bother you if you can.

Talk to you soon ;) - KM